Everyone Needs a Friend

When I lost my hair to alopecia at nine years old, I knew my life would not be the same. I had to accept the reality that I was not going to look like the rest of my third-grade class. I knew I wouldn't look like any other student in the school. The closest person I could find who looked like me was someone who had buzzed their hair. However, they could grow their hair back if they wanted, whereas I had no other option but to look the way I did.

I am often asked, “What are some things that helped you through losing your hair at a young age?” One of the answers that I give is “my friends.”

We were made for community

On the day I began to lose my hair, I confided in some of my closest friends from third grade, telling them that my hair was falling out. I asked them to help me by not letting anyone see what was happening to me. As the days, weeks, and months went on and my hair continued to fall out, I continued to rely on my friends’ help. Knowing I had a solid support system of friends who helped me through the first few years of losing my hair reminded me that a true friend likes you for who you are.

Each time I felt down about my different look, my friends were there to remind me that losing my hair doesn’t mean I lost their friendship. A true friend walks with you in adversity and goes with you into your darkest valleys, cheering you on and helping you get to the other side. A true friend sees your character more than they see your insecurities.

Friends respect and help each other, recognizing that we are better together in a community.

A Friend is Loyal

Proverbs 18:24 says, “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

To have a friend, you must be a friend. A friend is both loyal and loving. The way a friend is described here in Proverbs is “one who loves.” The same word for friend is used when Abraham is described as a friend of God (Isaiah 41:8).

It is easy to get wrapped up in the number of “friends” you have on Facebook. But do you know them? It is easy to build up your Facebook friend count by accepting every friend request sent to you. The difference in having a large friends list on Facebook or knowing a lot of people versus having a small, core group of friends is the level of commitment to them. Proverbs, a book of distinct wisdom, reminds us that the man who has many friends or unreliable friends does not seek a deep friendship with others. Instead, they seek shallow friends and popularity. This type of person that Proverbs describes realizes that shallow friends disappear when adversity comes.

A true friend remains loyal and fights the battle of adversity with you. When you meet the needs of others, you are being a true friend.

Shallow friends don’t act like true friends. They leave when times get tough. They are not there when you are at your deepest needs because they disappear when there is no benefit to them. But a true friend sticks like a companion, and can be more loyal than a family member. A wise person recognizes their need for community and friends, but chooses to surround themselves with loyal people.

When we look at Jesus, we see what a true friend is like. Jesus explains that a true friend lays down their life for others (John 15:13-16). Jesus promises never to leave us (Hebrews 13:5). We look no further than Jesus when we want to know what a true friend looks like.

It is tempting to say we have many friends. But, as Proverbs 18:24 points out, it is better to have a close friend than to have many unreliable and non-loyal friends.

Everyone needs a friend. If you aren’t sure who is a reliable friend in your life right now, then look no further than Jesus Christ, because He is the perfect example of a loyal friend.